Tutu (Hawaiian for Grandmother) is Turning 90!

I am a hapa haole. (I put a photo album online for my Tutu here.)

That means that I am half Hawaiian and half Haole (white or caucasion). The Haole half is mostly Irish (Thornton is the family surname). The Hawaiian half is mostly pure Hawaiian (Aki is the family surname); there is a little Chinese and Japanese somewhere in the family lineage. The story would be pretty simple if that was all there is to it, but there's more and it gets a little confusing.

Suffice it to say that my Hawaiian grandmother (called "Tutu" in Hawaiian) is turning 90 this month (Feb. 2008). I've only met her twice in my life in the time span of two years (1993 - my senior year in college, and 1994, the honeymoon trip after getting married). In my entire life I've spent probably about 20-30 hours with this woman. It was enough for me to know that she is a woman anyone would be proud to have as a grandmother.

Tutu raised 12 children. Hawaiians have big families. Her husband, my grandfather died a long time ago, I think before I was born. She had to raise these kids the best that she could, while working full-time as the hostess at an authentic Hawaiian restaurant. In her 90 years she's had to face a lot of pain, sorrow, suffering and loss. She's also seen her fair share of joy, love, goodness and peace as well.

Tutu is a hard-working woman, who doesn't feel sorry for herself for having to raise 12 children as a working mother (during a time period when being a working mother was not something society thought well of). I think she did a pretty good job. Her kids have all turned out all right by me. She did the best she could to teach them right from wrong; to work hard; to never feel sorry for yourself, but instead to always rise above your circumstances and be the best you can be. This is the most any parent can hope to accomplish with her children. She has lived to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren (are there any great-great-grandchildren, Tutu?).

Tutu is originally from the island of Niihau (the privately owned Hawaiian island). She was raised during a time period where being Hawaiian was thought of as being a lesser human being; something to be ashamed of instead of proud. I don't think she ever believed that for one moment, but she did name her children with mostly traditional Haole, Christian names (such as Stephen or Theresa). She speaks Hawaiian fluently, but didn't really push it on to her children. (Though her grandchildren may wish that they were raised to speak their native tongue - I do!)

I was not raised with my Hawaiian family (nor my Irish family). I was adopted at birth; lived in Hawaii until 5, then raised in the mainland. I wish I could go back in time and spend those years with them, so that I might know them all quite a bit better - especially my mother and grandmother. But if I've learned one thing from Tutu it is this: be thankful for what you have and where you are - never look back with regret, but look forward with hope and expectation.

Tutu - happy 90th birthday in the beautiful island paradise of Hawaii! - from your long-lost hapa grandson, Richard. My family and I love you!