Cognitive Behavioral Psychology and Chocolate

As I'm writing, this is Christmas day 2007, and I've totally blown my dietary goals/plans, joining the company of hundreds of millions of others who have done the same thing as me: "pig out!"  If you know me at all, you know I believe cognitive/behavioral psychology is the only school of psychological thought which offers us humans a framework for understanding our behaviors and for making positive changes to our lives.  Well, as it turns out, there's a big problem for me when it comes to cognitive behavioral psychology and chocolate: it's my own darn fault when I eat too much of it!

What?!  Thanks a lot you geniuses of modern psychology!  You mean I can't blame the big corporations for my dietary woes?  I think Ghirardelli, Godiva or Hershey is to blame!  I think I might have a sizable lawsuit on my hands, if I can only find a competent lawyer to represent me.  Who was the lawyer for the lady that successfully sued McDonald's because herv coffee was hot?  Does anyone have her contact information?  How can I contact Erin Brockovich (my emails to her website are not returned in a timely manner: two hours is more than enough time to reply - I think she's ignoring me)?

To potential counselors - I've got a strategy: if we can't beat these companies, go bigger!  Perhaps Ghirardelli is just a pawn in a much bigger game here.  Perhaps, Macy's and Wal-Mart are the real culprits!  Perhaps PhillipMorris is the company pulling all the strings!  Yeah - that's got to be it!  Maybe this is even larger than I first suspected: it's a government conspiracy!  Of course!  There must be several of the world's most powerful nations such as Russia, China and Djibouti (I just like the way that one is spelled) in cahoots on this one.  Search your hearts - you know its true!

I may not have a lot of facts or research to back me on this, but I do have this: I feel much fatter now than I did before I was forced to overeat; victimized by the big chocolate corporations and Djibouti.  I learned a lot from Steven Colbert about facts and truth: "I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what are the facts."  The facts may not reveal much, but if you go with your gut, you'll come to the same conclusion as me...

Lay off the sugary sweets, refined carbohydrates, caffeinated beverages and all-you-can-eat binges next Holiday season!